Watch the Language, Young Man

A mother was preparing dinner in the kitchen, and could hear her son playing with trains in the living room. She noticed the train stopped, and her son said: "All you lazy SOBs who need to get off better hurry, and to all the idiots who are getting on board: get your asses moving. We need to move on."

She was shocked, and hurried into the living room and said: "We don't use that type of language in this home. As a punishment, you can go to your room for an hour. You can then play with your trains when you can speak decently!"

An hour later, the boy is playing with his train again. The train stops, and she hears her son say: "To all passengers leaving us, I want to thank you for travelling with us, and please do remember all your luggage. We hope you have had a pleasant trup." She heard her son continue: "To our new travellers I want to wish you welcome on board. We shall do our best to ensure you have a pleasant journey. Please find your seats before we take off."

The mother smiled with pride, when she suddenly heard the boy continue: "And if any of you assholes are disappointed that we are delayed an hour, you can go talk with the fat lady in the kitchen!"

Between Lovers

He: - If you won't marry me, I'll shoot my brains out!
Her: - That would be a big surprise for my dad. He doesn't think you have one.

Have a nice day :-)