Catch-22 - Lawyer's Version...

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven.
“There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.”
“Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two.”
“How’s you get that?” the lawyer asks.

St. Peter answers: “We've added up your time sheets.”

:-)

Obama Need Not Wonder Anymore...

President Obama doesn't have to hire any expensive consultants to figure out why his approval ratings are dropping. We acknowledge a picture is worth a thousand words, so here comes the revealing picture:



Source: Political Humor at About.com.

Self-Help Section

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where’s the self-help section?"
She said: "If I told you, it would defeat the purpose."

Have a nice week everyone. :-)

Heard a While Back...

Back a couple of thousand years, Jesus was - it is claimed - walking on water. Many were amazed, but the fishermen had a pretty cold remark in response to all this:

"We don't care who you say your father is. Don't walk where we fish!"

Have a nice weekend everyone. :-)

Indecent Proposal

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you, but the girl said no.

Johnny said: "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says: "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks: "What happened?"

She said "The bastard used coins"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed. :-)

A Couple of Jokes This Week

Q. What do you say to an arab with his arm all the way up a camel's behind?
A. "Having car trouble?"

Q. What's the difference between Michael Moore and a 1 metric ton CARE package?
A. Michael Moore, if sliced real thin, can feed a larger Afghan village.

Everlasting love? ;-)

A boy gives a girl 10 roses, 9 real and 1 fake.

And he says to the girl: "I'll love you, until the last one dies.."

Have a nice weekend everyone. :-)

A good Joke - Video

This short is based on an old joke, a perennial in compilations of Jewish humor. Although the details differ between versions, the scene remains the same: a priest challenges a rabbi to a debate on the spiritual condition of Jewish people. But neither speaks the other's language, and...well, I won't spoil the punch line.

Get the ballerina a drink...

A drunk is sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention.

She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink." She gets her drink and goes away.

Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink." She gets her drink and goes away again.

The bartender asks the drunk how he knows that she is a ballerina given that she is a stranger and has never been in the bar before.

The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her leg that high."

Old love never dies...

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line for quite a long time he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realised he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," as she processes his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants -- you might have qualified for disability, too."